strange little girl, where are you going?

My almost-blog.

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When I was in seventh grade I told this kid I was a feminist and he asked me if I hated men.

I thought about it for a moment and said yes, for reasons that should be obvious if you’ve ever spent an hour with a middle school boy.

Over ten years later, the guy who asked me that question is still an active MRA.

I know that isn’t my fault. In fact I had many conversations with him throughout high school as my views evolved and spent a LOT of time indulging his “what about the men” questions before realizing what a waste of time that was. But sometimes I like to look back and imagine I scared him SO MUCH with my twelve year old misandry that he still bases his political views on that fear.


Filed under MRAs men's rights nostalgia feminism

21,368 notes

A white college student from a private college goes into a poor neighborhood and volunteers four hours a week and that’s considered exemplary. [Whereas] a poor kid who lives in that community and takes care of all the kids in that neighborhood four hours every day is not seen as a volunteer.
Patricia Hill Collins (via ethiopienne)

Lookin’ at you, Teach For America. (via chronicallyqueer)

(Source: sampaguitagirl, via warcrimenancydrew)

1 note

Tagging Question

So there’s literally no way to ask this without it sounding like a humblebrag, or without using two hundred qualifiers and going into my whole mental health history. So I’m going to rely on you all knowing me and ask it anyway.

I want to post some bathing suit selfies that I took this morning. But I’m really thin — this is hard to talk about so bear with me — my BDD areas of neurosis are around my breasts and butt being too small and my collarbones and hips being visible and pointy, so it’s a little triggering to admit this, but I am thin enough that my pictures could be taken as thinspo. Specifically I mean they could be triggering to my followers who are triggered by thinspo. And I literally have no idea how to tag them so that my followers in ED recovery and such won’t see them? I’m not tagging them as tw: thinspo, because THEY’RE NOT and EW and then they’d end up in the pro-ana tags. 

IDK, on the one hand I’m probably not thinner than 90% of the women on TV and in ads and stuff (probably? idk, it’s really hard for me to evaluate my own body dimensions.) But some people come to tumblr to get away from that, right? That’s what adblocker is for? IDK guys, I just don’t wanna be an asshole.

Filed under BDD body dysmorphic disorder tagging trigger warnings recovery help

630,374 notes










This is a great movie.

What I want to say EVERY SINGLE TIME. 

Baristas are paid minimum wage to follow their company’s policies. That includes using whatever terms their company decides on for branding purposes. If you want a frappuccino instead of a frappe, a large instead of a venti, or whatever other thing you wanna call your drink, that’s fine. Your barista? They are paid shitty wages and work shitty hours and have to deal with hundreds of people telling them medium instead of grande, or large instead of venti (which refers to the fact that it is, actually, 20 oz of liquid, meaning you’re being a jackass for no reason).

Your barista isn’t stupid. They know what a fucking ‘large’ is and they know their store’s branding and slang sounds dumb to a lot of people. So how about, instead of being an asshole to a minimum wage worker, you consider why you keep buying $6 coffees instead of making that shit at home.

I’ll say that one more time.

Your barista is not stupid.

They know what a large is, what a medium is, and what a small is.

They also know they can be fired for not toeing the company line. And they can be fired for not standing there and taking the abuse you’re spewing at them.

They are being paid to not fight back. They are being paid to stand there all day and translate medium to grande and venti and large and regular and all while you bitch about the specific words you “have” to use. They are being paid to be welcoming and friendly and nice to you while you call them stupid.

Bitch, I know baristas with Ph.Ds, okay? Back the fuck off.

bless you

The commentary. Yes.

Imagine if he said “large” and meant the size that’s called grande, but because venti is the largest, the barista gave him (and charged him for) that without double checking. I guarantee he’d be a total dick about that, too. So just fucking ask for what’s on the menu. No one will chop your balls off if you use the language the store has set.

I have never seen a Starbucks employee be rude to a customer for using non-Starbucks names for drinks or sizes. I have, however, seen countless customers be condescending and rude to Starbucks employees because of the names of said drinks and sizes. Which CLEARLY the employee behind the counter is singlehandedly responsible for naming and rolling out to every one of their 11,000 stores. 

How about customers not be fuckheads? Why is that so consistently an unreasonable thing to ask?

What the gifset maker has conveniently left out here in order to shit on Baristas is where Elizabeth Banks’ character tells him he’s a “miserable dick” and that Venti means twenty in Italian and it’s a 20oz drink. 

^ This post has significantly improved since the last time I saw it o_o

(Source: brohemianrapcity)

24 notes


I was thinking about the quote I’ve seen by Abraham Lincoln that basically revealed he didn’t give a damn about enslaved black people, he was just trying to undermine the South, and I remembered something I read in middle school about him:

That a freed black woman came to him, thanking him, and he “rebuked her,” and how the text obviously made it sound like this was SUCH a big demonstration of his good character, that he REFUSED to accept thanks for his actions, etc, etc.

And even back then, before I knew anything about anything, I remember thinking, that doesn’t make him look good, that makes him an asshole, because he yelled at that lady. That lady must have felt like crap. But as usual, it’s not the recipients of his actions that matter, it’s how cool he looks to white historians.

Actually, there is a second part of the quote where Abraham Lincoln follows this up with:

I have here stated my purpose according to my view of official duty; and I intend no modification of my oft-expressed personal wish that all men every where could be free.”

Does that mean that the “Abraham Lincoln: White Savior Extraordinaire!” view we are usually taught is correct? NO.

What is DOES mean is that this quote, which I learned in high school history as “proof” that the Civil War wasn’t REALLY about slavery, is actually taught in an incomplete form to bolster the myth that the Civil War was about northern aggression and states rights, and not slavery and southern racism. See also: why the Confederate Flag is a racist symbol.

Not disagreeing with the main point of the original poster; Lincoln was definitely not the Great White Hero. But I want to acknowledge the whole story and that includes an opposite force in revisionist history to distance slavery and abolition from the Civil War as much as possible.

(via youneedacat)

Filed under civil war history racism abraham lincoln

2 notes

Catholic Women's Group Lists The Reasons They Don't Use Birth Control, But Fail At Science And Logic

So this is a bit of a derail, but I just looked at that “why we don’t use birth control” post and realized that CatholicSistas is a blog for white women!

I had assumed there was some focus on women of color because a bunch of reactionary white Catholic broads wouldn’t use language of women in the Black Power movement JUST because it sounds hipper and less nun-y than “sisters”, would they?! Oh. They would.

And when I say “a blog for white women” I don’t just mean “not focused on black Catholic women” I mean “no face of color appears anywhere on the website.”

(Source: se-smith)

Filed under language appropriation cultural appropriation catholic sistas birth control

22,387 notes



In light of the 50 Shades of Grey trailer coming out today, quick reminder that that book is about an abusive and controlling relationship, not BDSM.

Fanfiction (published or not) is important for women of all ages to explore gender roles and sexuality in a way that is less stigmatized and more accessible. 

But do not do the BDSM community a disservice by calling the relationship described in the book a BDSM experience. 

It is BDSM. It is abusive BDSM.

BDSM and abuse are not the same thing, but they are not mutually exclusive.

This. There are parts of BDSM that are poorly done or mislabeled in the book (Pervocracy wrote recently about how “dominant” is probably the wrong word for someone who never gives his “submissive” any instructions at all to follow and just seemingly punishes her at random, and how their actual kink if it was consensual would be more like humiliation) (also this hilarious post about knots) but the abuse parts don’t make it “not BDSM.”

I think basically one should look at the abuse in Fifty Shades and the doing BDSM wrong as sort of a Venn diagram? Like, on one side of the circle, there’s Christian plying Ana with alcohol, stalking her, using gifts to track her, and so on — abuse that has nothing to do with BDSM. On the other side, there’s stuff like the bad knots — bad BDSM, but unrelated to abuse. The world’s most skilled rope top could skill be abusive, or they could be the best and nicest top ever, but it has nothing to do with how good or bad the knots are. In the center, there’s stuff that is both abuse and doing-it-wrong — stuff that violates the ‘rules’ of BDSM in addition to being abusive, but which real-life abusive tops often actually do and get away with — “negotiation” as driving a hard bargain, I’m-the-top-so-I-can-just-hit-you-whenever, “why didn’t you safeword?” when you have emphatically not respected limits in the past.

Filed under abuse fifty shades of grey bdsm cw sex cw alcohol stalking

181 notes

50 Shades of Bestseller


-rich tortured dude mean to lady in college, a blossoming lady if you will. About to be snipped by a hottie of almost all of her life energy.
-really rude but also buckets of money, which balances out his meanness to a rich sort of mean. Maybe he has a mean mother? Women can be mean too lol
-gruff but also reaches hand out like “don’t leave!”
-but his eyes are so blue, so it’s okay
-you don’t understand, like an ocean blue you get lost in, also devours you and basically is a regular blue. Or maybe grey, I don’t know, you’ve seen many different eyes perhaps you can imagine
-lady is brunette but somehow different in many ways
-different like “holds books” and “drops the books”
-“I don’t know what’s come over me, I keep dropping these books” *bites lip*
-“I will kill you if you stay” lol okay definitely staying
-“nothing much to see here, folks” the whole town says about this guy hovering over a young blossoming woman
-“I wore this new dress for you, it’s silky” “I love you so much now”
-only person who hates sexy rich gruff man is some other man
-“as a man, I know what’s best for you, stay away from him!” “SORRY, I only listen to one man. One man limit here.”
-gruff man takes women out for dinner, so the woman can nibble and find she doesn’t have a taste for wine
-nibble, nibble, can we have sex now?
-I dunno, I have this problem.
-what problem?
-too much money, mean to people. On a side note, what do you think about liberated women or what have maybe you heard about other women
-I dunno, I am surrounded by a lot of older men so cool, let’s do it
-sex is kinda like sex in a real “this is definitely sex” kinda way
-when I was a kid, I thought sex was just grunting in sheets, and that’s what this is
-some problem happens, rich man carries brunette around. Guess he’s okay
-she stays forever, mean guy wins! Men!
-but he’s super nice you don’t even know him
-bites lip

Filed under sex cw

182 notes

meekrah asked: Hey, i was wondering if you could give me some advice. I think i may have alexithymia, or at least i have difficulty identifying and describing emotions, and i get that thing where i will mistake physical signs for emotions and vice versa. Do you have a list of things that you could suggest that i check next time I'm feeling really horrible and not sure why? Because this will happen and it will turn out that i just needed to sleep, or eat, etc.


I’ve been thinking about this a lot and while I don’t think this will be a comprehensive list, I’ll try. Often emotions will manifest as one or more interoceptive (physical) sensations and interoceptive sensations can be confused for emotions (especially anxiety or nervousness). Here are some ways to identify both that I’ve found helpful.

Common interoceptive sensations: 

Am I hungry? Signs: stomach pain/nausea, stomach making noises, irritable, tired, lightheaded, headache, trouble focusing, more than a few hours since last food intake

Am I dehydrated? Signs: persistent thirst, dry mouth/tongue, dry eyes, worsening headache, physically sluggish, dizziness, very yellow urine

Do I need to sleep? Signs: trouble focusing, frequent yawning,  decreased alertness, memory problems, irritable, muscle soreness/discomfort, eyelids feel heavy, headache, slurred speech, decreased coordination, whole body tremors, dizziness, blurred vision, hallucinations [some of these are extreme effects, i.e. you haven’t slept for more than 24 hours]

Am I cold? Signs: whole body shivering, fingers or toes noticeably cold when touched to thigh or abdomen skin, teeth chattering, bluish tint around lips, numbness or tingling in fingers or toes  

Am I hot? Signs: sweaty or clammy skin, red/flushed skin - especially of the face, ears, neck or upper chest, lightheaded, prickly or itchy skin (with or without red bumps), headache, muscle cramps, nausea, confusion [those last few are really serious - seek medical attention/cool off immediately]

Do I need to use the bathroom? Signs: pressure or pain in the lower abdomen, cramping, gas, feeling more comfortable when curled in the fetal position than stretched out flat

Common emotions and how to identify them: 

Am I anxious? Anxiety is usually future-related. What’s going to happen in my short or long term future that I might be scared or nervous about? Is there anything new or out of the ordinary? Is something changing? Have new expectations been placed on me? Do I feel like there is something I need to avoid, even if that means doing something out of character or drastic?

Am I sad? Sadness is usually related to loss. Have I lost or am I losing something important to me? Is a part of me that I like going away or changing? Is something coming to an end? Do I feel like crying or withdrawing? 

Am I happy? Happiness is usually related to fulfillment. Have I gotten something that I wished for or wanted? Has someone done something for me or given me something? Am I reaching a goal or milestone soon?  [Note: happiness can sometimes feel like anxiety or be mixed with anxiety if it’s too intense.]

Am I angry? Anger is usually related to violation. Has someone done something that violates my beliefs, rights, trust or property? Has someone taken something from me or damaged something that I value? Do I feel like lashing out physically or verbally at someone?

Am I afraid? Fear is usually related to preserving safety. Am I in danger emotionally, physically, socially or mentally? Do I feel like fleeing or hiding? Is there a person in my life who I try to avoid being around? Am I engaging in behavior that carries a high risk of injury or self-harm? Is my future uncertain in ways that I’m not sure I can handle?


Like I said, this is really first draft-y and rough but hopefully it’s a start. What works for me might be different than what works for you. 

Filed under resources alexithymia